Change...

I did pretty good on my attempts to catch up the blog, but I still have 2 or 3 I didn't get to. They will probably have to wait until after the BIG baby news though.
I am really close to going under the knife! Now that most of my projects are done and the preparations are as finished as they can be, the reality is setting in and the worry has begun! I have a hard time with hospitals, needles and all of that and all the worries that go with a surgery. What if something goes wrong? There are so many things that can, even though it is a pretty routine surgery. My Dr has also warned me that with having a 3rd C-Section, they might say that I can't or shouldn't have more - I don't know if I can handle that! There are so many concerns and the worst is that I have to sit at the hospital in the morning for 2 hours waiting for my C-section and wondering and stressing about all of those things! It is a good thing the end result is a baby or I don't think I could handle it - It makes it all worth it!
I also struggle with change and the reality has hit that things will never be the same at our house, which makes me a little sad. That might be wierd, but I hate change - Moving was so hard for me, even though it wasn't far and I love our new house. Our family of 4 is changing to a family of 5 and I really think there are some things that I will miss about our family now. Right now it is so easy to just pack up and go with the kids being older and Darren and I can each take a child and we can handle things pretty well. Adding a 3rd child seems like it will be much harder to go places and do things, especially when hauling all the stuff a baby requires. Once the baby is here, I know that we would never want to do without her, but I think I will at times miss the simpler times that we have now. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Sometimes I really miss when it was just me and Darren, but I would never want to change having kids. It is just one of those things - I just wish I would have enjoyed the time I had with just 2 kids a little more. I am so excited to meet baby #3 and of course to see Logan and Rylee meet her (in a few days).
Also, as crazy as it sounds, I will miss being pregnant. There is something about having a little baby inside you that is so incredible and even though it is not the most comfortable thing, feeling them kick and move is like nothing else in the world. Of course, holding your newborn is also like nothing else in the world and it will be so great to snuggle and hold her tomorrow!
Those are just a few of my many thoughts swirling through my head as I try and relax and get ready for bed! Wish me luck!!!